Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Arguments, Anger and Aggressions

Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Arguments, Anger and Aggressions

Every conflict takes the procession through arguments, anger and aggression. On our journey towards dealing with conflicts in marriage we can't avoid passing through their site.

Arguments ordinarily are results of disagreements over issues. Disagreements aren't evil in themselves when they show different sides to the same issue. If you aren't married to a dumb person, you won't always have same ideas about everything. Times will come when you'll see things differently. We must be wise enough to understand that none of us is the sole custodian of knowledge or of wisdom. You may have more knowledge than your spouse on an issue while he or she will be able to get better results with the knowledge you have.

With that, different opinions can be worked upon towards achieving the common goal. Agreement will always require certain opinions being adopted and others dropped irrespective of who brought the ideas if they will produce the desired results.

Now arguments sets in when we find it difficult to see the point of the other person and we don't want to drop ours. Even at that stage we are still safe to an extent.

But it shouldn't degenerate to that point where we deliberately, beyond the issues of discussion, would want to remain in contention for other extraneous reasons.

Arguments shouldn't be a way of addressing or communicating other issues one has kept within. When the argument is being used to address other issues by transference, the argument degenerates into something else, agreement remains impossible and anger and offense take over.
When couples argue over everything, even things that seem not to matter, it signals deeper issues to deal with... Whenever we notice that we should stop everything to ask pertinent questions to avoid further degeneration.

Anger is an emotion like fire. A good servant but a bad leader. Scriptures say be angry but not sin, let not the sun set over your anger. Now, it's only a thin line between being angry and not falling into sin, a very thin line. That line is defined by whoever is in control between you and the angst.

Offenses will come. You can take it or leave it. We get provoked but it's left to us to get angry or not to. We become furious out of loss of control. We take offense when we aren't in charge. The scriptures say, anger lies in the bosom of fools. It's not an insult but the process that produces it. Being a fool is a result of not engaging the best thoughts to issues rather emotions and selfishness and it produces persistent and destructive anger.

When we lose control over our emotions we become like a city without security everything invades it at will.
[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 25
28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

You don't get angry except you feel violated. Either you are violated or not depends on your definition and that can be corrected with better understanding. Take self seeking out and you can better see if you are truly being violated or not. Pride and ego get quickly hurt, pride and anger are twins. With pride we raise the stake of what we deserve and reduce our abilities to forbear, we get hurt quite so easily by the things others do without any animosity.

We are counselled not to walk with an angry man. One who habitually and easily gets angry.

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 22
24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 21
19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Once this counsel is overlooked in marital choices, the consequences can only be averted by a miracle. If he or she hasn't leaned to control his or her anger, such isn't ready for marriage irrespective of age and you should know.

It is when arguments and anger aren't properly managed that we get to aggression either physical, emotional or psychological. Aggressions inflict pain and injury to the body, soul and spirit of the victim. And it hurts even further when it's coming from one with a 'lover'  tag. It is the most deplorable state a person can get to, to become aggression towards those he or she should love. Such becomes the same danger he or she was meant to protect against. It may be verbal, physical or attitudinal but the effects aren't different on a person.

Most times, it is aggression that people see and react to as conflict, but it goes to show that aggression has its seeds and roots in bitter arguments and uncontrolled anger. Anger is the second semester that graduates to aggressive conflicts.

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 29
22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.

If we learn to nip things in the bud before they degenerate to bitterness at any level we can save ourselves from the pains and bad consequences of conflicts and make our home a place where love rules.

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 17
14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.

Don't let that argument arouse uncontrollable bitterness and anger that'll lead to aggression. Abort it! We can. His grace is available!

Good Morning!