Managing Matrimonial Conflicts

Managing Matrimonial Conflicts

[My Offline Bible] Luke 17
1 Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!

2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

Conflict in marriage is nothing different from conflict in any other relationship situation. It is default that offences must come. Not to expect it is the major reason why people don't prepare for it. We always think of the happily ever after romantic roller coaster after wedding.

But we need to understand that every case in a divorce court began with 'I love you'! No one went into marriage to divorce except those nonsensical alimony seeking fraudulent marriages. People go into marriage expecting a blissful marriage.

The error is usually the inability to accommodate the fact that it is impossible for offences not to come. When it is settled that offences would come even in a marriage where God Himself joined then it important to find out from start how to deal with offences.

One way of preparing against the storm of offences capsizing the boat of our marriages is knowing where offences come from. If we know the source we can deal with it before it blows beyond what can be handled. This is what a lot of wise people do that makes it look as if they have no issues.

The first conflict situation in marriage we see in scriptures is that between Adam and Eve. One sin came in they became suspicious of each other and each had leaves to cover his and her nakedness. What inspired that came up when God asked them what had happened. I'm sure God knew what had happened but would want them to voice out their hidden thoughts. Adam spoke.

[My Offline Bible] Genesis 3
12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

Adam blamed God and Eve while trying to exonerate himself. And that became the root of every marital issue that has ever happened in history.

And Apostle James put it rightly...

[My Offline Bible] James 4
1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

Selfishness, self assertiveness, self protection and self centeredness are the major demons that troubles marital relationships. The common denominator being self.

You can't succeed in marriage when you enthrone worldliness.

[My Offline Bible] 1 John 2
15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

A marriage where the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life are in control will pass away only that marriage where the will of God is done will abide.

So where does conflict come from? It comes from our selfishness. Our inability to prefer the other person and to seek the good of the other above ours.

Conflicts come from competitions. Husbands competing with their wives, wives competing with their husbands. Two are better than one only if they are a tag team, if they are on opposite sides, they become worse than being alone.

Marriage is laying down your life daily for your spouse. [My Offline Bible] Ephesians 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

In finances you want the other person to have more. In sex you want the other person get the satisfaction. In duties you want to do more without feeling cheated.

This is agape love. The unconditional, self motivating sacrificial love. It is on this that God desires we build our marriages.

This is what kills offences. It is what builds trust. It is what forgives, what bears, forbears and suffers long... It is ever patient, it doesn't keep a record of wrongs suffered. It is slow to anger, and it is easily entreated, it's anger is for a moment. It's mercy is for life... That's agape love. When the scriptures says God is love that's the love being spoken of. It is love that loves the enemy and do good both to the good and the bad... It is the definition of perfection, the hallmark of nobility...

A husband and wife bound together by this kind of love will never be listed in a divorce court.

It is the answer to the root of all bitterness that defiles. It is the answer to every threat against the home...

We can put it as a lid to forever shut the fount of offences and conflicts.

If we win the war between the flesh and the spirit, between self and love, we can keep love and peace in our homes...

This is where we should begin our preparations... The husband and the wife must not just expect to have the other person walking in this love, both must be ready to give it. This kind of love doesn't insist on its own rights.. It doesn't apportion responsibilities, it takes responsibilities. It doesn't feel cheated, it treats responsibility as privilege.

Now if you aren't ready to live your marital life like this and you want to live happily ever after then you are a fraud and you shouldn't touch marriage, no, not even with a long pole... I speak of a marriage where you see Christ as the head...

But if both are ready, then you have a couple the world will envy...

Good morning!