Apostle Paul said it is good for a man not to touch a woman rather every man should have his own wife and every woman should have her own husband.
Of course, just as in everything, we often interpret such instructions out of context and out of the spirit of the Word to suit personal biases.
Not to touch is definitely about the kind of touch that should be between husband and wife. There is a level of intimacy that shouldn't be between unmarried man and woman. God wants us to have respect for our brothers and sisters who are married to our friends and not to take what belongs to them. Even an unmarried person belongs to someone he or she is yet to meet or marry and such should be respected. No one is free for the taking.
But my thoughts runs along the touch that should be within marriage. It is good for a man or woman to touch his or her wife or husband.
Touch represents romance. Touch triggers feelings. Touch creates bonds. Touch gives assurance and reassurance. Touch is a means of communication of deep seated intents of love. Touch solidifies relationships. It helps break barriers and initiates deeper intimacy.
Just a handshake can be powerful enough to destroy enmity. You can imagine the feeling of a boxer losing to his opponent, but having a good handshake and a hug, the pain of loss is doused and they can be friends again.
You can imagine, how the hugs of a loving wife of that boxer at the losing end would further help him to bear the loss. That's what a loving touch can do.
The endearment and the bond between a baby and parent isn't just because they gave birth to the baby but because their touches were the ones the baby feels. The joys of an helpless immobile baby can only be through the joys and the touches of lovable parents. Whose touches, the baby feels is his or her parent.
We don't ever lose that need for a loving touch even till old age. We may have conditioned ourselves not to need it probably for lack of it, but we were made by God to feel a loving touch and to respond.
Marriages is beyond mere duties and responsibilities. It has its foundation in the mutual comfort it offers. The right to expect comfort from the other person and the assurance that it will come and not be denied powers marital relationships. When you remove romance from marital relationship, what you have left is frustration.
Romance has the power to keep you from depression as a married man or woman. It is understandable that many people find marriage tough and the responsibility of keeping a home both for the man and the woman can be enormous, but where romance is healthy, the stress will mean nothing for the joy their romance gives. Marriage becomes a herculean task without the oil of romance. Without romance, marriage is worse than toiling. It's like a machine without engine oil or lubricants, frictions will be much and the engine may soon knock. Romance greases the system and services the operations.
I know certain cultures don't see romance as necessary. A lot of patriarchal societies and negative masculinity cultures see romance as being soft and dangerous for security and great achievements. But we have seen that such perspectives result in hurts and psychological problems. Sadism, lack of empathy and all manners of antisocial behaviours result from not having a healthy romantic culture among married couples.
The same extends to the way children are raised and what they become. Children who had never seen their parents show any kind of endearment towards one another except raised voices, arguments, anger and probably physical and emotional abuses won't see showing empathy as being strong, many become bullies and violent people within and outside the home.
Domestic violence can hardly be in a home where there's healthy romance between the wife and husband. Every argument would end in a kind word and a kiss or a hug. Teasing is permitted in love and there will be a lot of smiles and laughter. Romance makes communication easier and lack of trust, reading meanings to simple things and suspicions will be less.
The pressure of life often affect romance but it is if we let it. We often rate bringing in money for family upkeep or doing house chores and making sure everyone is ok as very important and when we have done all that, romance may be the least thing on our minds being tired. At such times, our minds may find any kind of touch irritable. But it is just the mind. Our sense of responsibility must accept the reality of romance in helping to douse the stress of other responsibilities.
If eventually we fail in our quest to make money and to take care of our families, it's most likely that it is our romance that will take the hit first instead of seeing it as the way to lift the feeling of failure.
I understand the place of non physical touch where actions, words and gestures transmit romantic feelings but with all of that, let there be touches that comfort, let there be tickles, let there be hugs, cuddles and kisses.
Know it that no one will hug, kiss or cuddle your wife or husband as you will do. They may try but it'll communicate differently. Yours has a special place and gives something different to what any other person will give. No one else can give it as you would, so break the ice and take your special place.
I understand also that it won't be easy at the beginning and it has to start gradually if you aren't used to that, but it has to start anyway.
At first it may seem strange and the other person may be wondering what the meaning of that may be, but it also brings reassurance to the person when words of endearment are used to support and consistency is maintained without any strings attached.
Romance is best when hurts are cared for and wrongs are forgiven. When a heart is burdensome with hurts and pains, romance won't work. So we have to ask for whatever forgiveness we need one way or the other. We cannot be hurting the same person we want to minister romance to us or we want to show romantic gestures. Clear the ground first, maintain a good relationship and romance can be helpful going forward.
When we say touch, we understand that beating is a kind of touching also. I remember the brother who slapped his wife and called it a love pat. Of course, he said that to douse the tension but slapping your wife isn't the touch we speak of. Love pat and a malicious slap communicate different things, one is to be avoided and the other is always needed.
In a society where open show of endearment is not common, there will be barriers to break to have healthy romance that build great marriages. It's not that we don't have the capacity to have healthy romantic lives, but our mentality about marriage is that of duties and responsibilities of caring for a family. So we have very bad statistics in extra marital relationships and paternity because romance is meant for flirting in many minds. They'll do such romance with people they aren't married to but not to those they are married to since that's not where it's needed according to the warped mentality.
But where do we need romance at all if not in marriage? Let's take it back there and so build great loving homes and families where the legacy of love can be inherited and passed on to generations to come.
Have a lovely weekend
Photo Credit: Leah Kelley/Pexel
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