Connection, Not Perfection in Marriage

Relationship Friday: Connection, Not Perfection

A friend and a big brother with his amiable wife, Pastors Tim and Shola Oladipo, wrote a book with the same title, Connection, Not Perfection: Our Marriage Journey so Far. A compilation of lessons from over 30 years of their marriage experience.

In finding stability in marriage, some often set out looking for a perfect persons who behave perfectly according to expectations, without any flaw or offence. Such expectations are quick ways to failure because inherent within such is a large possibility for disappointment.

Now, if such expectations are sure to be disappointed, should we otherwise expect the worse from our spouse and from our marriages? What good does marriage promise then? Or should we agree to the notion that marriage is a necessary evil?

The joy of marriage is enormous and there is no reason not to expect marriage to bring a better life to a couple, however, what we must know is that it won't happen automatically.

Living happily ever after marriage is a possibility if we are ready to work out the salvation with fear and trembling. Every good thing that has ever been said about marriage is a possibility if we are ready to remove the possibilities of disappointment.

One ideology to first embrace is that no one is perfect, not you, not your spouse, not anybody for that matter. What God does is that He makes the imperfections of one to be made up for by the perfection of others.
Meaning, no one is perfectly imperfect. Everyone has his or her strong points meant to make up for the weak points of the other. Two can so work together that their output won't reflect their imperfections. But it takes vital connection between the two of them to achieve that.

It therefore means that we must learn how to connect with one another. Learning about the spaces left by our spouses to fill, searching within us the materials needed to complete what is missing.

Our rough edges are results of the fault lines where we broke off from the whole us, and to have us back as one, they fit back into each other to form the seamless whole our marriages are meant to make of us.

Those areas that get us mad about our spouses are those fault lines where we were broken off, waiting for us to bridge and to close up to get the oneness which marriage is.

We see deficiencies in our spouses but they are just indications of those areas we have to fill up. If a wife can't cook, and that, not for laziness but the husband can, it naturally shows who God has raised to do the cooking even if traditions and culture say it's the woman who must cook. If they try to stick to such traditions rather than what God has done already, they'll neither be happy nor have peace. They will always be anger and they may fight often and be unhappy with one another due to frictions.

They are both wonderfully and fearfully made, though imperfect but because they can't connect, they look like they are not made for each other.

Are we ready to connect so that we can extract the joy, peace and all that are embedded in our marriages? We should, so we can avoid the frustrations caused by concentrating on those areas of our spouses that show their imperfections.

Can you make money where your spouse can't? Can you take care of the children where your spouse may not have the skills or the time to? Can you find out what you can do to protect your spouse from being exposed to those things that highlight his or her weaknesses by confronting those things by yourself?

This is where love is displayed and not in permitting the exposure of your spouse to demands he or she can't cope with because of his or her weaknesses. That's one way to connect even in our seemingly imperfect situations.

We can learn more about this subject by getting and reading the book, Connection, not Perfection: Our marriage journey so far
The book is available on Amazon here https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Not-Perfection-marriage-Journey-ebook/dp/B07MX7H758

You can also get it if you'll be at the "Before and After 'I Do', BAID" Lagos meeting holding at Ikeja on the 10th of November 2019, 2pm to be facilitated by the authors of the book. It'll be available for free for the first 50 participants to arrive at the venue. #3, Eleruwa Street, WEMABOD Estate, WAHUM Bus stop, Off Adeniyi Jones, Ajao Road, Ikeja, Lagos.

If you are in Lagos, plan to be there, try to arrive on time, even if you miss the book, don't miss the seminar... It promises to be highly impacting... Invite other friends, both singles and married.

Remain super blessed! Have a glorious weekend!