Dealing with Marital Conflicts: The Art of Effective Correcting

Dealing with Marital Conflicts: The Art of Effective Correcting

I desire a short journey with those who care about marriage, home and family through the issue of marital conflicts and ways to prevent, manage and deal with them to ensue peace in the trouble waters of marital relationship.

The ideal, which I'd once written about is to give room for absolute unconditional love. If love, in its agape form will reign between two or more people, multitudes of sin shall be covered and issues will hardly get to the point of conflicts.

But love, though seeking no evil for its neighbor also chastises, otherwise it'll be self destructive. The scriptures say 'He that He (God) loves, He chastises'. It's not true love that wouldn't deal with issues but it's such that deals with difficult issues without degenerating to chaos, conflicts and confusion.

We must judge ourselves within our communities to ensure standard and best practices in everything we do, if we don't judge ourselves, we'll be judged. The essence is the mutual growth and development we experience for a better life today, a sustainable future and a godly heritage we leave for our children in righteousness.

This is why correction is key and everyone should learn the art of correcting.

In marriage, we look towards a constructive interference of waves where both parties interfere to become better persons in order to produce better environment for the home that can achieve life's purposes of all members of the family.

Meaning we should become better persons as we grow in marriage. We have two imperfect people who are coming together with different experiences, knowledge and expectations. None can afford to be selfish with expectations otherwise the relationship is put in danger. Conflict comes when any begins to seek his or her own.

While love comes with accommodation, forgiveness and covering of sin, it comes also with correction. Ephesians chapter 5 speaks of Christ and the Church and how Christ is preparing the church to meet His standard and expectations. But Apostle Paul wrote of Christ and the church and we should be careful when applying that to two imperfect people getting married here on earth.

While Christ is perfect, the church isn't and He perfects the church by the washing of water by the word until there'll be no wrinkles nor spots to present her to Himself a glorious church.

But here, we have the husband and the wife full of wrinkles and spots irrespective of the degree of perfection of their choosing each other. And none can fully take the place of Christ, who will give the other the washing of water to present the other to self.

But since Christ lives within both, each has the opportunity of permitting Christ do the washing though him or her for the other person for both to lose the spots and wrinkles towards daily presentation to self.

Meaning each must come into the union knowing he or she has lots of imperfections that the other person through Christ would be empowered to wash away.

Thinking that you alone has a responsibility of correcting the other or that the other person has no responsibility of correcting you is the perfect recipe for marital trouble.

It also shows the inability to see Christ in the other person trying to perfect what's lacking towards general improvement.

The process of marital correction becomes doomed when one sees self as above being corrected by the other person or even when one sees correcting the other as none of his or her business.

There must be a mutual understanding and agreement on this. We are here to compliment each other and we do that by talking about what we perceive as imperfect in one another and talking about it without abusing each other or a feeling of being abused when being corrected in love.

Correcting isn't same as criticism. It is speaking the truth in love. Both should give room for it having its greater goal of personal development in view.

While it's never an option to correct through criticisms and abuses, correction of any form can lead to betterment depending on how it is perceived or received.

The rule however is that if you are too knowledgeable or wise to receive correction, you are also too imperfect to give correction. If you are humble enough to receive correction, you also have enough grace to see faults and to give correction.

Marriage is that place where we want the greatest degree of freedom and nakedness. That's the extent of privacy and personal space. And couples should give that to each other with responsibility. In that space for two, each should be himself and herself to all extent while the other accommodates all the downsides of it...the farts and the snores.

But while you enjoy your space, responsibility demands that you permit the other person too same grace. And as you fart and snore, you get ready to be helped to overcome your indulgences by the one who suffers them the most.

When one refuses to deal with self to open up for correction, the other soon begin to indulge the other and very soon, Adam will join Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. Abraham will sleep with his wife's maid to give birth to Ishmael, Nabal will die of his foolishness according to his name and Annanias and Saphira will die of their lack of discretion...

Dr Chris Tunde Joda of Christ Chapel International Churches once said something that impacted on me a great deal on this. He said lots of men in prison wouldn't have been there if they had listened to their wives.

What's the state of correcting in your marriage? Are you guys deaf to each other and would not listen? Remember the Spirit of Christ and of truth lives within both of you towards your perfection and glory.

Are you into abuse and criticism instead of speaking the truth in love? Do you whip each other with words of corrupt communication rather than caress each other words of edification?

If we correct each other in love we grow. If we shut down good correction decadence results, and conflicts results when corrections are not properly given or received.

When we learn to compliment good things in the other person, correcting the spots of error too won't be difficult. If we receive compliments and accolades for what good we do, we should also take correction for those wrinkles in good faith and use both to get better for self, for each other, for the family and for the society at large....

Notice that it starts with you...

When we master this, conflicts can be reduced and tamed before they become the sword wielding monsters we see these days...

Welcome on board this journey...it'll make great impacts...

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Good morning, it's a great week!