Growing up Spiritually

Growing up Spiritually

Understanding spiritual growth for a Christian is the beginning of a worthy journey with God. When a Christian misses that understanding, the possibility of chasing shadows and boxing the air becomes rife. You can't grow up by chance, spiritual growth is a process that works with one's conscious participation.

Spiritual growth isn't the development of the physical abilities to do the physical rigors of religion or spiritism. Spiritual growth is defined by the possibilities presented by the New Creation that took place when we submitted to the Lordship of Jesus Christ through faith in His death and resurrection. The possibility of becoming like Christ in character and subsequently in charisma is the foundation of spiritual growth.

What happened was called being born again. Being born again isn't a superficial change in character per se but the re-creating of the real person with the seed or the nature of God. The root of one's personality from where characters are formed was recreated, infused with the possibilities of becoming like God. We are born of God to grow up to become like Him.

Jesus Christ taught that when He said...

[My Offline Bible] Matthew 10
24 The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. 25 It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household?

The disciple can be as his master. The essence of discipleship is to become like the master. Isn't that what Jesus sent us to do? To make disciples of all nations, teaching them to observe all that Christ has commanded?

That's why we are called and predestined to be conformed to His image.
[My Offline Bible] Romans 8
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

The goal of spiritual growth is to be conformed to the image of Christ.
[My Offline Bible] 2 Corinthians 3
18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Growth is precipitated from the genetic inheritance of a living creature, the nutritional quality supporting it's growth, the state of the environmental incidences of the creature and the creature's ability and commitment to practicing what the inner nature presents through examples.

If these four factors are favorable, a living creature can mark up to the best of its progenitors or ancestors.

In our quest for spiritual growth, being born again offers us a new creation that affords us the very nature and seed of God.

[My Offline Bible] 2 Peter 1
3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: 4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

[My Offline Bible] 1 John 3
9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

The seed and nature of God remains in us. Jesus Christ is the Vine, we are the branches, we are of the same tree and of same genetic make up. John 15

But if we must grow we must have the right nutrition. And so Jesus Christ, when He was tempted by the evil one to do the unusual to get physical food when hungry said,

[My Offline Bible] Matthew 4
4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Apostle Peter said same

[My Offline Bible] 1 Peter 2
1 Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings, 2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:

We grow up spiritually by God's word. The word of God is food for the New Creation inner man. The quality of the genetic material we inherited from our Father God is limited by the quality of God's word we are exposed to in manifesting through us. No Christian can grow into the image of Christ feeding on just anything. The quality of God's word must be top notch if a believer must come out conformed to Christ's image. Christ's image in us is nurtured out by the teachings of Christ, who is the word of God. The image of Christ within doesn't respond to traditions, human philosophies, ordinances, superstitions or the word of truth not rightly divided.

Spiritual growth will also respond to the environment just like any kind of biological development. The environment must aid the direction of growth. If what the environment offers are challenging to expected growth, more of the energy meant for growth will be used to survive and so limiting growth. If diseases and physical harm are constantly present, an organism won't grow properly. The same is true spiritually. The spiritual environment we find ourselves must encourage Christ-likeness.

The environment must offer all that's conducive and necessary for growth and be unfavorable for things that can influence negatively.

This is where the church we go to and the community of believers we are exposed to come in. The church is the ground and the pillar of the truth and the job of the local church is to help believers get conformed to Christ's image once that's not being prioritized such a church must have been distracted into something else. The ultimate goal of preaching, teaching, worship, service, fellowship and any other activity in church is to present each person perfect before God.

[My Offline Bible] Colossians 1
27 To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: 28 Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus:

Notice, the emphasis on 'every man'. Spiritual growth investment must focus 'every man', it can't be successful with a faceless crowd control because it requires the presentation of every man in Christ Jesus.

This is the reason why we don't neglect our assembling together if the essence is to help us get conformed to Christ's image.
[My Offline Bible] Hebrews 10
24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

The spiritual environment we have around must trigger the nature of God within us towards growth and conformity to Christ's image. The church we go to must provide both the ingrafted word of God and exemplary character good enough for people to grow by.

Lastly, we must be committed to practicing what we desire to become. A child may be endowed with the best of speed genes and fed with the best of nutrition in an environment of great athletic race champions, if such is trapped for life in His mother's baby carrier he'll never walk not to talk of running.
We must daily practice the word of God to grow up to be like Him. With a good environment that offers fellowship with those who are matured in Christ it becomes easy to see how what we want to become looks like. We emulate Christ and mimic Him and we grow to become like Him and as we do others too mimic us.
Ephesians 5:1 says we should be imitators of God as dear children. Children imitates their parents to develop innate abilities. We have to do that daily.

We can't afford to be conformed to the world. We can't afford to remain carnal and body ruled when we have the potential of being like Christ. We can't afford to leave our spiritual senses untrained to know what's good from what's evil. We must grow to be Christs to our world. In this lies our difference.

Good morning!

[My Offline Bible] Hebrews 5
12 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.
13 For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.
14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

[My Offline Bible] 1 Corinthians 3
1 And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. 2 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. 3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

What Difference does Christ Make?

What Difference does Christ make?

The difference a thing makes is what creates it's speciality and the desire for it. When the difference isn't clear, any other thing can actually replace it without missing anything.
Inability to recognize the difference Christ makes in us as Christians affects our mentality about Christianity and our expectations as we come into Christ.

Definitely, having Christ in us as Lord with all the work He accomplished for us on the cross through His death and resurrection creates in a believer a new creature created in God's image and endued with God's life kind and nature. That's why believers are called God's children since everything procreates after its kind including God.

Thinking about God and His greatness we can say with apostle John that now we are called sons of God and the full manifestation of what that means is still beyond what we can see and only when we see Him face to face shall we fully manifest what that means...

[My Offline Bible] 1 John 3
2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

Apostle Paul quoted from Isaiah speaking about things prepared for those that love God...

[My Offline Bible] 1 Corinthians 2
9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

We know it in prophecy that we are gods and all of us are the children of God and that different from regular humans.

[My Offline Bible] Psalms 82
6 I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High. 7 But ye shall die like men, and fall like one of the princes.

Notice that the gods referred to here are different from men or the princes mentioned. Jesus Christ Himself also referred to this prophecy in John 10

[My Offline Bible] John 10
34 Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods? 35 If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken;

Apostle Paul also used that in judging the carnality of believers in His 1st letter to the Corinthians.

[My Offline Bible] 1 Corinthians 3
3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

So a carnal Christian is one who walks as men. But aren't we supposed to be men? Well, the new creation makes us more than men...

Jesus said he that's born of the Spirit is Spirit, following the law of procreation.

[My Offline Bible] John 3
6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. 8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

Being born of the flesh makes us men, being born of the Spirit makes us supernatural.

These are common knowledge actually but the application is what gets us into wrong pursuits and expectations..and eventually into trouble either as church or as individuals.

This is how Jesus puts being a child of God.

[My Offline Bible] Matthew 5
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

To be the children of our Father, the mark is the kind of love we exhibit. It can't be adulterated. That ability to love those who don't love us, to do good to those who hate us and to wish well those who persecute and use us...

The difference between man and God is seen in selfishness, self seeking, self centeredness and greed. That's the difference Christ came to erase pushing us more to God's image away from the image of man.

We can cover up with religion and many other ordinances but there is nothing we do outside of this kind of love that can't be done without Christ.

When we see physical benefits as the main difference Christ makes, His relevance is lost as soon as you see people without Him enjoying those things even if not by the power of God. It maybe financial or material wealth, healing, longevity, peace of mind and so on...while we have all these and more in the grace of Christ, what's exclusive to the New Creature is that ability to love unconditionally inclusive of those who don't love us.

[My Offline Bible] 1 John 3
14 We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. 15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. 16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Every spiritual activity we engage in must be towards highlighting the difference Christ makes in our lives. Nobody competes with uniqueness, the difference Christ makes can't be copied without Him living within. We are gods and we must live the life of the children of God. God is love and we are children of love. We live out love with power and grace.

But when we walk in the adamic nature, with motives and missions like that of men, we should be careful not to 'die' as men.

[My Offline Bible] Galatians 5
13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. 14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 15 But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.

God's vision is to make men in His image, He sent His Son to us as example of what He wants in us and today we have a goal in allowing the new creation in us to manifest the very image of Christ and so be led as sons into glory...

We are gods, we shouldn't die as men! We must make the difference clear! Good Morning!

[My Offline Bible] Psalms 82
1 God standeth in the congregation of the mighty; he judgeth among the gods.
2 How long will ye judge unjustly, and accept the persons of the wicked? Selah.
3 Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy.
4 Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked.
5 They know not, neither will they understand; they walk on in darkness: all the foundations of the earth are out of course.
6 I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.
7 But ye shall die like men, and fall like one of the princes.
8 Arise, O God, judge the earth: for thou shalt inherit all nations.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

The context in which that popular scripture was written is important if we must adequately understand it.
So many people have been disappointed by being motivated by scriptures understood out of context.

Some use 'I can'
These people end up trying their hands on just anything either trained for or not. To be pushed by 'I can'  without definition has the potential of daring what's not necessary. They can do what they don't have to do. They can do what's not theirs to be done. They can do whatever comes to their minds. Before we can allow 'I can' you need focus. When we have discovered what we have no choice but to do, then 'I can' mentality must kick in.

Some say 'I can do all things'.

No one can do all things in the real sense of it. These people lack direction and purpose. They want to do whatever they see others doing or whatever comes to their mind. They believe they too can join the race even when they weren't built for it. And when they can't they call their experience failure. God doesn't create failure, men do.
You weren't created to do all things. Isn't that the reason others too were created? You were created for a purpose and that's where vision comes from. Vision in turn gives focus and focus blinds you from other things that aren't in the path of the light streaming into your focal point. People who don't focus on the particular fruit and life's product to bear for the benefit of people end up not doing anything. This is the pain of most multi talented people, they find it difficult to pin down one thing to focus on and so keep trying their hands on different things while time flitters away. There is a reason why a person is multi talented and that purpose is paramount above the purposes of each of the talents. That purpose helps to manage the talents, here the talents can't direct what to do, the purpose does. This saves from frustration that makes it difficult to relate life's position with inherent abilities.

Some say 'I can do all things through Christ'

These people want to hang whatever they want to do on Christ even if He didn't command it. As mentioned before wanting to do all things in the first place is a manifestation of lack of purpose and vision. Every good eye has a blind spot. If your vision is a good quality one, it must be blind to some things. But now, with it not being blind to anything they would want to hang their pursuit on Christ. You can't use the name of Jesus to establish what's not His will. You can't use the name of the presidency of a country, as a minister appointed by the president and backed up by the Constitution to do something unconstitutional. The same thing here. God isn't an author of confusion. He is a God of purpose. He only releases His power to accomplish His pleasure and you can't armrest Him to do what's not within His purpose.

The correct scriptures says
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

We see in context that apostle Paul was giving a testimony of what his experience walking with God through various situations had made of him. He had such experiences that taught him contentment and how to maintain his virtues in every circumstance he found himself.
Both in his sufferings and in enjoyments, in being honored and in being dishonored he learned to be same person being in control of his life. He attributed that to the strength Christ gives.

Now if we have to borrow that to be used more broadly, we can see that the strength Christ gives is what determines what we can do. It gives direction and purpose. It shows what the Master's expectations and hope from us are. The strength is perfected in our weaknesses and that's grace according to what Christ told Paul in 1 Corinthians 12:9.

Grace is what determines apostleship. The empowerment you have received is a signal to what you can do. When Peter and John perceived that the same God who did greatly in the apostleship of the Jews through Peter was doing same to the apostleship of the gentiles through Paul, they gave Paul the right hand of fellowship. Galatians 2

What's God's strength helping you to do in meeting needs? Christ strengthens us to be like Him and we can do all things around the demands of holiness and righteousness. We can by the strength He gives.

In service and in the pursuit of destiny there is always an area we are strengthened to perform. Discovering that and staying there pursuing the purpose of God releases omnipotence that makes nothing impossible to us in that area. There is always enough power to prosecute divine plan and no one's destiny is to high for his or her attainment through the power working within us. The potentials are enormous if we can discover the strength of Christ given to us to do His will. We can do incredible things though the strength Christ releases and the gifts He gracefully endows.

None of us is called to do all things. We have been called to pursue a purpose and Christ strengthens us to do it with omnipotence. Whatever the demands and challenges of the pursuit of that purpose may be, we have enough strength and resources from heaven to accomplish it and we can always join apostle Paul to say...

[My Offline Bible] Philippians 4
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.

Good Morning

Your Joseph is Alive

Your Joseph is Alive

For some few days since my friend and brother Pastor Martins Fatola posted on his Facebook wall the word '... Your Joseph is not dead...' my mind and spirit have been reverberating with those words.

Jacob was brought the message that his brightest, most promising dynamic son who he loved so much was dead. The evidences were too obvious. 10 well groomed men can't all tell a lie, after all, only two or three are enough witnesses to establish a fact. The beautifully colored cloth he bought for him, that was the talk of the town was there to show that he has been mauled and fed upon by some wild beasts. His sorrow was unconsolable. To him that was it, he was going to his grave with that pain and broken heart. His begotten son among many was gone. His dreamer boy was gone. His expectations were dashed. He was the beacon of hope, he had dreams of greatness which he gleefully shared with anyone who cared to listen. He was different and was someone to look ahead for what he was going to become with his dreams...both for good expectations and for scorn... He was the audacious son of Jacob's bosom, though younger and sissy, always around daddy and mummy, yet had great dreams that had no respect for his elders opinions about his dreams either out of naivety or just plain lack of intimidation which put everyone on edge. But now, he's gone forever. Jacob could hold the cloth that once covered him and gave him pride throughout the neighborhood.

Though the brothers knew he was only sold off to slavery, they never betrayed emotions for almost twenty years. They never gave anything away to make Jacob doubt their initial claims until they themselves began to accept their own lies as true that he was dead. That rested the case with everyone. Joseph was dead! Their Joseph was dead!

So everyone moved on without Joseph not expecting that he could show up forever. That dream was gone!

Maybe you share that same sense of loss...and to you it's going to ever be like this disappointment you are currently experiencing and nothing is betraying any emotions to even make you doubt the loss....then you need to read this to the end, this is your story!

But it's not true! He's alive! And going through all that he went through, he became prime minister in the then super power.

He also carried his father and home in his heart even as he was preoccupied with pharaohs job. He longed for his father and brothers.

God also working to bring them back together.
Then one day, they showed up! He recognized them instantly but they couldn't. How could they have known it was him with the dead mindset they had concerning him? Even if the thought of him being alive ever crossed their minds, it's not that he'll be the head of the Egyptian economy, how can..?

He recognized them and wept. The pain of betrayal of trust and the joy of reconnection were overwhelming...his tears flowed.

After all the pranks he played with them, he revealed himself and they wept too in guilt but hid their fears and apprehension.

The part where he demanded they brought Benjamin was quite scary with the mindset of having lost Joseph. Jacob was devastated at such a request. "How would you do this to me, I'm yet to get over the loss of Joseph, now you want to take Benjamin from me". If he had never suspected them before concerning Joseph's 'death', now he's beginning to wonder if they had not being accomplices...they were the harbingers of sorrow!

And they could feel it even from the time that 'wicked Egyptian' asked them to bring their remaining brother and they had protested but he wouldn't bulge... So they had to vow to their father to bring him back...

Eventually, Jacob got the news that his beloved son, Joseph was alive...and would want to see him.... The rest is history!

We often believe we have lost the most precious of our past opportunities, something good that pointed to a great future. We often think we can't ever recover. We often think some of the things we gave birth to are forever gone never to add any value anymore. Maybe like Joseph's brothers, we had made a mistake to sell the greatest thing we had to strangers and we have come to think they are gone forever, dead, rotten and forgotten!

We often think only our bad past has relevance to our future. We believe God doesn't remember the good we did, they are dead but our errors, mistakes and bad decisions are the only things waiting for us in the future. We can even hardly remember the good we did, but our mistakes are ever before us... The Josephs are dead and only the scoundrels are present ever with the bad news breaking daily in pains and regrets.

But it isn't so. God forgives our past errors when we bring them to the blood fount of Jesus Christ. What remains are the good we did and most importantly the good He did and is doing.

Joseph was a divine gift. A mystery to parents and to brothers. Irrespective of the good or the bad of Jacob, there was a destiny working for him, he was loved, chosen above his brother Esau and Joseph had a role to play in a destiny revealed to Abraham, Jacob's grandfather. They must go to Egypt to sojourn for four generations and someone must be there to go ahead and to preserve their lives and that has to be Joseph.

Joseph was God's marvelous doing to fulfill His plan.

God's plan for our lives are beyond us. Yet we rate our outcomes not even on the good we did but on the errors of our past and worse off on the powers of our enemies, while we leave God out of it all.

We believe our Joseph's are dead. We think God had abandoned us because of our sins. We face a future less than what God told us at the beginning and that because our sins are more powerful than God in our own sights but it isn't so.

God had gone ahead to prepare a place in our future. And someday that Joseph gone ahead will be revealed if we don't give up believing.

The gifts and the calling of God are without repentance. God hasn't changed His mind concerning His purpose and plan. He is working towards the fulfilment and we need to be hopeful to see. We need to believe in hope against hope.

Jacob would have saved himself some sorrow if he had known his Joseph wasn't dead and that he had only gone by prophesy to prepare for their preservation.

I hope you too would be able to rev up your joy today, knowing your Joseph isn't dead, knowing your God given dreams are not manifesting yet not because they are dead but because the time is not yet. Knowing that soon you and your long lost Joseph will meet again and he'll bring you to divine prophetic destiny in Goshen!

Folks, rejoice and be glad, let your hope come alive, know that God's power is working out a great future for you. You are a person of destiny. God's bringing you to the place prepared. Cheer up! Just wait and get ready! This is your story... It's unfolding marvelously in our eyes...

Good Morning!

A Call for Change in Marital Ethics

A Call for Change in Marital Ethics
(In honor of a succeeding marriage of my friends Ndidi Olamide Adekunle and Olamide Sunny Adekunle, it's their wedding anniversary)

God led us at Grace Missions International Teaching Centre to give priority attention to ministering to marriages this year 2016. It's been a glorious ongoing journey.

We can't sincerely accurately say the number of families and homes we have been able to reach and help but we have tried by the grace given and through the available platforms to reach as many as care as faithfully as we can.

It's of great joy to also know that fathers in the Lord are being moved to do same. It's a sign of  confirmation of the heart cry of God at the moment and we all must take heed.

The attack on the home is enormous. We can mildly put it by saying Jerusalem is on fire. When armies attack walled cities, one strategy is to lay ambush. This often involves two lines of attack. One is frontal, which pulls out the army of the city. The other is the ambush which sneaked behind the opposing army into the city to set it on fire. The fire distracts the army and are turned between two fronts. When the strategy succeeds, the victory is always swift and devastating.

More and more issues of life are drawing people away from paying attention to the home front. The quest for money, enjoyments of life and pleasure seeking are producing that sense of selfish ambitions in people driving them to put their marriages far below the top on their priority lists.

This is opening the back door for the devil to hit at the home from behind.

When the institution of marriage fails, the home scatters. Marriage is the binding factor of the home. When it's not ok, the vehicle of the home won't move as expected. Children suffer. While I have no blame for single parenting which may be none of the fault of the single parent, I believe nature teaches us that it takes a man and a woman to make a child and it should take the two to also bring the child up perfectly. Which is one reason why we need to give all the support possible to single parents and the children they are raising instead of adding salt to injury by vilifying, judging and stigmatizing them.

Failed and irresponsible marital structure is a major cause of single parenting, a situation that can be helped by proper and practical marriage education. When there is no peace in the home, especially when physical and psychological abuses aggravate, common sense require that while peace is being sought, security of the victim is priority. This makes separation inevitable no matter what we believe concerning divorce. The most non yielding conservative beliefs against divorce hasn't been able to stop separations, it is something we daily have to deal with and to manage properly and pragmatically. But if we so hate divorce which is fast becoming a necessary evil, we will have to invest more time, effort and resources to making available the education and understanding needed to keep peace at home.

This marital ethical education would have to start long before the decisions about marriage are made and not after. And they have to be as  practical and relevant as possible. Education about who to marry, how to make choices, what works and what doesn't, blending, cooperation, oneness, team building, purpose synchronization, conflict management, communication, romance, children upbringing and so on...will have to be researched and taught with vigor and lots of zest on all platforms as cheaply as possible no matter the cost.

It is unfortunate that we all have to go into marriage without experience and the burden of choice is always on the young man and woman who hasn't learned much in life but often think they had known it all...until experience began to teach life's lessons without giving a second chance to remake past faulty not-well-thought-about decisions.

But those lessons are always available from those who had gone ahead and young men and women can access them. By observation, tutelage and mentoring we normally have access to those materials from other people's experiences and research from where we glean answers to our own mysteries.

The problem most times is that we don't often see reasons in those observations without discipline. It takes discipline to read, listen, take advice that don't look like normal or convenient, it takes discipline to agree with an experience of others that don't make relevant sense at present. Without that discipline, the young man and woman go their ways with unguided expectations from their vain fairy tale imaginations and would have to painfully experience what others had wanted to teach him and her to avoid. He and her may in future have to try to teach the younger generation the same things with the same results.

A young man and woman planning to Wed these days would spend more time, money and resources on preparation for the wedding day without any investment in preparing for the marriage. Even before then, they spend long hours in prayer asking for a marriage partner without studying and praying to prepare themselves for the marriage itself. It takes discipline to think outside the box. And so they get who to marry, work towards the wedding day, make a huge success of the wedding event but enter into marriage unprepared with problems beyond what they'd imagined popping up as soon as the euphoria of the event wears out, making a huge failure of the marriage, the main essence of it all.

We need to change that. And you, able to read this write up to this point is already part of that change. That's part of the price for peace in marriage we are paying. Many won't read. They haven't attended a marriage seminar beyond the advises of parents and in-laws at the traditional wedding ceremony and the twenty minutes admonitions during the church service none of which he or she paid any serious attention to, we hardly remember even the topic of the message after the wedding.

Yet we have materials, cheap but of good quality that can make a difference but they aren't in nuggets, they are long and would require discipline to read and learn.

We have ministries hosting seminars where we can go and glean some wisdom to help us develop great marriages and home but it takes discipline to suspend partying for a weekend to attend a session or two...

We had a poll recently that showed clearly that people won't go for marriage counselling even if their marriages are in serious distress. Ordinary counselling to help out in time of trouble is difficult for people to attend but it's easier to go drinking and shopping with heavy marital burdens on the heart. And of course it's easier to turn aggressive and stage a show for neighbors to watch in home conflicts. That shouldn't be.

We need an ethical change to help the marriage institutions and reduce the stress people go into trying to find fulfilment in marriage.

And we can by God's grace and it starts with you. You can do something about it. Make it a cause to follow by helping a young man or woman to rethink.

You can share this or recommend someone to attend a seminar read a book or materials which are many online in preparation for marriage.

Encourage someone going through marital distress to visit someone who can counsel without bias, help is available somewhere and we can help someone get it right!

Good Morning.

Join us tomorrow Friday 5th August 10am
@GMI Teaching Centre Ministers' Conference

Paying the Price of Peace in Marriage

@ Havila Place
#46 DF Street
Mosan Road
Opposite Bobcat hotel
By D Mama's Pride supermarket
Shagari Federal Estate
Iyana Ipaja
Lagos

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Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Rule of Engagement

Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Rule of Engagement

Prosecuting wars has always had its rules. You aren't just permitted to fight any how. Both parties already must have agreed to some laid out rules of fighting. Remember David, when Joab killed Abner. He said he shed the blood of war in the time of peace and he mourned the death of an enemy. Even as crude as warfares were at such times, they still had some rules. Today, those rules have become elaborate. For instance, it might amount to a war crime if civilians are killed in a war.

Most disagreements at the home front degenerate into serious conflicts because we assumed the war won't ever come and aren't prepared as to what are permitted and aren't before the day of battle and when the day finally comes, everything is thrown into it to inflict the greatest pain, many which are irreparable even after the war.

To combat conflicts and maintain peace, we must set rules for ourselves that are both agreed upon.

These rules must be those that recognize and protect the place of God in the marriage. His word must be law and authority.

These rules must seek to protect the other person from any harm, physical, emotional or spiritual.

These rules must weaken negative emotions. We must not allow anger to dictate during engagement, we must not use abusive words in disagreements, we must not use physical force during engagement, we must not destroy anything. We must allow the other person express and explain himself or herself, we must talk one by one. We must not raise our voices against one another. We must not gossip one another. We must protect the children. Conflicts must be settled within 24hrs, no animosity, no malice. No murmuring.

Rules must encourage communication and expression in freedom without nagging or incessant complaints or insensitivity to issues. It must encourage quick resolutions. It must avoid disunity. It must work to make conflicts a temporary, extraneous issue but encourage friendship and quick resolution.

Aftermath rules must encourage anti-stress and antidepressant allowances like a dinner or lunch out. A gift exchange, a romantic rendezvous, sex or something to calm the stress of the 'war'.

These are just suggestions as to how to handle such issues. Of course, we will sometimes flaunt the rules but they help us focus and to maintain peace and won't permit us do a permanent damage through a temporal feeling to harm a life-long relationship.

The rules must not make resolutions impossible. They must help us engage the best traits and qualities in us in relating with one another to protect the love we share.

Rules would be couple specific, written or oral, something we both agree to. For instance, people argue and say things like 'don't raise your voice at me!' well, we really never agreed to the decibels of noise we can shout at each other, how would you then ask me not to shout? Sometimes, it's a matter of 'don't abuse me!' Why would you dictate the rules in the middle of the fight?

We need to agree on some things and those agreement should make conflicts difficult buy must protect both parties' rights, protect the future and work towards quick resolution.

For example it may have to include rules of reference. Dead situations should remain dead. Referring to situations already forgiven escalates hostilities. But if we have to revisit in the light of new issues then we should know how to use such without causing more calamities.

Third party rules must be set out which must give room to openness to certain people. Rules that permit one to secretly abuse the other will be dangerous. If I'm abusing you, you should tell people if I won't stop when you raise it...we must agree to that for instance... But to report every little argument over the saltiness of the ogbono soup that's already eaten to mummy, should be discouraged!

Prayer to God is a third party issue. How about making a rule that takes us to our knees every time we are tempted to fight? Wouldn't that be awesome! Once the anger and the offense start brewing, let there be a call to prayer...and let's hand over the discussion to God and see how it turns out.

To live happily ever after doesn't happen just behaving anyhow without constraints and restraints, only where there is no vision do we have people throwing away restraints but if we have a vision for our homes and marriages we'll take time to set things in order to help us conquer self before the self-destruct mode is activated unconsciously!

Set the rules first! Let peace reign!

A suggestion worth thinking about!

Good Morning!

Join us this Friday 5th, 10am...@
Grace Missions International Teaching Center
August 2016 Minister's Conference...

Paying the Price of Peace in Marriage

Havila Place
#46, DF Street
Opposite Bobcat Hotels
By D' Mama's Pride Supermarket
Shagari Federal Estate
Iyana Ipaja
Lagos.

Learn how to put a permanent lid of peace on the boiling pot of marital conflicts by the grace that's in Jesus... The Prince of Peace!

Share this, Refer people, it'll be a seed of peace sown into people's lives and homes. Endeavor to be there too...

Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Arguments, Anger and Aggressions

Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Arguments, Anger and Aggressions

Every conflict takes the procession through arguments, anger and aggression. On our journey towards dealing with conflicts in marriage we can't avoid passing through their site.

Arguments ordinarily are results of disagreements over issues. Disagreements aren't evil in themselves when they show different sides to the same issue. If you aren't married to a dumb person, you won't always have same ideas about everything. Times will come when you'll see things differently. We must be wise enough to understand that none of us is the sole custodian of knowledge or of wisdom. You may have more knowledge than your spouse on an issue while he or she will be able to get better results with the knowledge you have.

With that, different opinions can be worked upon towards achieving the common goal. Agreement will always require certain opinions being adopted and others dropped irrespective of who brought the ideas if they will produce the desired results.

Now arguments sets in when we find it difficult to see the point of the other person and we don't want to drop ours. Even at that stage we are still safe to an extent.

But it shouldn't degenerate to that point where we deliberately, beyond the issues of discussion, would want to remain in contention for other extraneous reasons.

Arguments shouldn't be a way of addressing or communicating other issues one has kept within. When the argument is being used to address other issues by transference, the argument degenerates into something else, agreement remains impossible and anger and offense take over.
When couples argue over everything, even things that seem not to matter, it signals deeper issues to deal with... Whenever we notice that we should stop everything to ask pertinent questions to avoid further degeneration.

Anger is an emotion like fire. A good servant but a bad leader. Scriptures say be angry but not sin, let not the sun set over your anger. Now, it's only a thin line between being angry and not falling into sin, a very thin line. That line is defined by whoever is in control between you and the angst.

Offenses will come. You can take it or leave it. We get provoked but it's left to us to get angry or not to. We become furious out of loss of control. We take offense when we aren't in charge. The scriptures say, anger lies in the bosom of fools. It's not an insult but the process that produces it. Being a fool is a result of not engaging the best thoughts to issues rather emotions and selfishness and it produces persistent and destructive anger.

When we lose control over our emotions we become like a city without security everything invades it at will.
[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 25
28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

You don't get angry except you feel violated. Either you are violated or not depends on your definition and that can be corrected with better understanding. Take self seeking out and you can better see if you are truly being violated or not. Pride and ego get quickly hurt, pride and anger are twins. With pride we raise the stake of what we deserve and reduce our abilities to forbear, we get hurt quite so easily by the things others do without any animosity.

We are counselled not to walk with an angry man. One who habitually and easily gets angry.

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 22
24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 21
19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Once this counsel is overlooked in marital choices, the consequences can only be averted by a miracle. If he or she hasn't leaned to control his or her anger, such isn't ready for marriage irrespective of age and you should know.

It is when arguments and anger aren't properly managed that we get to aggression either physical, emotional or psychological. Aggressions inflict pain and injury to the body, soul and spirit of the victim. And it hurts even further when it's coming from one with a 'lover'  tag. It is the most deplorable state a person can get to, to become aggression towards those he or she should love. Such becomes the same danger he or she was meant to protect against. It may be verbal, physical or attitudinal but the effects aren't different on a person.

Most times, it is aggression that people see and react to as conflict, but it goes to show that aggression has its seeds and roots in bitter arguments and uncontrolled anger. Anger is the second semester that graduates to aggressive conflicts.

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 29
22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.

If we learn to nip things in the bud before they degenerate to bitterness at any level we can save ourselves from the pains and bad consequences of conflicts and make our home a place where love rules.

[My Offline Bible] Proverbs 17
14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.

Don't let that argument arouse uncontrollable bitterness and anger that'll lead to aggression. Abort it! We can. His grace is available!

Good Morning!