Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Rule of Engagement

Dealing with Marital Conflicts: Rule of Engagement

Prosecuting wars has always had its rules. You aren't just permitted to fight any how. Both parties already must have agreed to some laid out rules of fighting. Remember David, when Joab killed Abner. He said he shed the blood of war in the time of peace and he mourned the death of an enemy. Even as crude as warfares were at such times, they still had some rules. Today, those rules have become elaborate. For instance, it might amount to a war crime if civilians are killed in a war.

Most disagreements at the home front degenerate into serious conflicts because we assumed the war won't ever come and aren't prepared as to what are permitted and aren't before the day of battle and when the day finally comes, everything is thrown into it to inflict the greatest pain, many which are irreparable even after the war.

To combat conflicts and maintain peace, we must set rules for ourselves that are both agreed upon.

These rules must be those that recognize and protect the place of God in the marriage. His word must be law and authority.

These rules must seek to protect the other person from any harm, physical, emotional or spiritual.

These rules must weaken negative emotions. We must not allow anger to dictate during engagement, we must not use abusive words in disagreements, we must not use physical force during engagement, we must not destroy anything. We must allow the other person express and explain himself or herself, we must talk one by one. We must not raise our voices against one another. We must not gossip one another. We must protect the children. Conflicts must be settled within 24hrs, no animosity, no malice. No murmuring.

Rules must encourage communication and expression in freedom without nagging or incessant complaints or insensitivity to issues. It must encourage quick resolutions. It must avoid disunity. It must work to make conflicts a temporary, extraneous issue but encourage friendship and quick resolution.

Aftermath rules must encourage anti-stress and antidepressant allowances like a dinner or lunch out. A gift exchange, a romantic rendezvous, sex or something to calm the stress of the 'war'.

These are just suggestions as to how to handle such issues. Of course, we will sometimes flaunt the rules but they help us focus and to maintain peace and won't permit us do a permanent damage through a temporal feeling to harm a life-long relationship.

The rules must not make resolutions impossible. They must help us engage the best traits and qualities in us in relating with one another to protect the love we share.

Rules would be couple specific, written or oral, something we both agree to. For instance, people argue and say things like 'don't raise your voice at me!' well, we really never agreed to the decibels of noise we can shout at each other, how would you then ask me not to shout? Sometimes, it's a matter of 'don't abuse me!' Why would you dictate the rules in the middle of the fight?

We need to agree on some things and those agreement should make conflicts difficult buy must protect both parties' rights, protect the future and work towards quick resolution.

For example it may have to include rules of reference. Dead situations should remain dead. Referring to situations already forgiven escalates hostilities. But if we have to revisit in the light of new issues then we should know how to use such without causing more calamities.

Third party rules must be set out which must give room to openness to certain people. Rules that permit one to secretly abuse the other will be dangerous. If I'm abusing you, you should tell people if I won't stop when you raise it...we must agree to that for instance... But to report every little argument over the saltiness of the ogbono soup that's already eaten to mummy, should be discouraged!

Prayer to God is a third party issue. How about making a rule that takes us to our knees every time we are tempted to fight? Wouldn't that be awesome! Once the anger and the offense start brewing, let there be a call to prayer...and let's hand over the discussion to God and see how it turns out.

To live happily ever after doesn't happen just behaving anyhow without constraints and restraints, only where there is no vision do we have people throwing away restraints but if we have a vision for our homes and marriages we'll take time to set things in order to help us conquer self before the self-destruct mode is activated unconsciously!

Set the rules first! Let peace reign!

A suggestion worth thinking about!

Good Morning!

Join us this Friday 5th, 10am...@
Grace Missions International Teaching Center
August 2016 Minister's Conference...

Paying the Price of Peace in Marriage

Havila Place
#46, DF Street
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Shagari Federal Estate
Iyana Ipaja
Lagos.

Learn how to put a permanent lid of peace on the boiling pot of marital conflicts by the grace that's in Jesus... The Prince of Peace!

Share this, Refer people, it'll be a seed of peace sown into people's lives and homes. Endeavor to be there too...