Giving in Relationships

Relationship Friday: Giving in Relationships 

A lot is revealed of a personality through giving, receiving, not giving and not receiving.

Each of giving, receiving, not giving and not receiving has deeper meaning than just the act. Giving may seem good on the surface, for instance, but may be redefined by circumstances and the intent of the persons involved. So is each of the elements of giving, as mentioned above.

Love is what defines any relationship. When love is missing, relationships break down naturally. Love is expressed by giving. There may be giving without love, but there is no love without giving. But love can only give what it has, so it can't be judged by the value of the gift but by what the lover has,

even if it is a flower plucked by the roadside. Love shouldn't be judged by the value of a gift but every gift should be judged by the love that motivated it.

Relationships crumble by demands. When people go into relationships with an entitlement mentality, they only deceive themselves when they expect such a relationship to work. It shouldn't work actually. Oppressive and abusive relationships thrive in the environment of entitlement mentality.

Unconditional love is a possibility, particularly when you are a child of God, born of and ruled by the Spirit of God with God's nature of love operating withing you. Unconditional love would want to give without expecting anything from the other, yet ready to receive whatever the other lover offers in love without wanting to be a burden to the other person. 

It is abusive to want to take advantage of the love the other person has for one. Love isn't what we deserve, it is what we are privileged to receive, it isn't a right and we should never take advantage of it.

A demanding spouse would not ever appreciate whatever sacrifice the other spouse is making even if it's gradually taking his or her life. Such would care only about self convenience irrespective of the pains the other person is going through to make the convenience happen.

A relationship should not be centred around giving but around loving. Love will always find an expression which is easily recognised and appreciated by love on the other side. When your love isn't receiving recognition, it is because something is wrong somewhere.

A lover sees love in everything. Whatever the other person offers is always good in the eyes of a lover. But to one who isn't in love, whatever is given is weighed by the lust in the heart. If it meets the requirements of the lust, it is good but if it doesn't meet it, then there's trouble. It will never be appreciated. It may meet the lustful requirements 99.9% of the times but that 0.1% shortcoming is enough to terminate the relationship.

It's also same with those who power their relationships with giving without love. They give to exert their places in the relationship. They aren't giving, they are paying. They are purchasing the attention and the love of the other person. They are in business. In case of an offence, they quickly refer to their gifts as collateral, they believe their gifts give them the right to override the will and the decision making right of the other person. This isn't love at all. It is an abuse.

It is the same reason why some don't take anything from others they are in relationships with. They believe every gift is a bribe. Of course, gifts are like a magic wand, according to King Solomon in the Proverbs, whereever it turns, it prospers. A gift has the power to pervert justice and influence decision making, but where there is trusted love, that would be a wrong reason to reject a gift.

We often attach our personal acceptance to how people receive what we have to offer, when they reject our gifts, we may feel rejected. But we have to be sure we should reject gifts in our loving relationships before doing so.

Of course, when accepting a gift means fueling our lusts, being inconsiderate or selling self off, rejecting such is noble. It's good not to take a gift that binds. We shouldn't accept gifts that we would regret later. 

It is good not to take a gift that's given as a token of an agreement to a deeper relationship which one isn't ready to go into. Gifts have meanings and accepting a gift when we don't agree to the meaning will be unfair. Inability to reject gifts is a weakness to many, but it is an act of nobility that should be cultivated.

Love should come first before giving, receiving or rejecting a gift. Giving should not be to bind the other person. Receiving should not be to burden or to fuel our lusts. Rejection should be on principle and not as a way of rejecting the giver.

Let giving strengthen your love and relationship, but let love drive the relationship and not giving and receiving.

Have a lovely weekend!